How to Navigate the Holidays with an Emotionally Immature Parent
The holidays can be a wonderful time of connection, warmth, and rest.
But if you have an emotionally immature parent, they can also be a minefield.
Maybe you’re just waiting for the same passive-aggressive comments, the guilt trips, the silent treatment, or the way your parent turns the entire day into some sort of performance, in which you’re expected to play along.
Sound familiar? You’re not imagining it.
When a parent lacks emotional maturity, holidays usually stir up old wounds. You immediately feel like you’re right back inside that child version of yourself that feels tense, responsible, and above all, painfully aware of everybody else’s moods.
In my last blog post, I shared more about what emotionally immature parenting looks like and how it can shape your inner world. If you haven’t read it yet, I recommend starting with “What is an Emotionally Immature Parent—and How Do You Handle One?”
But today, we’re going to talk about how to protect your peace this season, even if your parent continues to be reactive, unpredictable, or emotionally draining.
If your parent makes the holidays more stressful than joyful, this post is for you.
A quick refresher: What is an emotionally immature parent?
If you’re new to this language, here’s the short version:
Emotionally immature parents struggle to regulate their emotions, empathize with others, or respect healthy boundaries. The result may be dramatic behavior, manipulation, or self-centrality. But one thing that happens with great regularity is that children of such parents end up feeling unseen and emotionally unsafe.
Some common signs include:
They make their children responsible for their feelings
They take everything personally and react defensively
They view disagreement as a form of disloyalty.
They veer from over-involvement to emotional withdrawal.
If any of that sounds familiar, you’re likely carrying the long-term impact of these patterns, even if you’ve spent years trying to minimize or rationalize them.
How do emotionally immature parents affect the holidays?
Put simply: they stir up emotional chaos.
They may:
Expect you to drop everything to meet their needs
Sabotage plans that don’t revolve around them
Make critical or shaming comments disguised as “jokes”
Create tension, then act like nothing happened
Guilt you for setting limits—or try to pull you into drama
Even if you’re a fully grown adult with a whole life of your own, being around them, you might feel like you’re 12 years old again, tiptoeing around their moods, and managing everyone’s comfort while pretending you aren’t seething inside.
That’s not a personal failure. That’s conditioning.
And the good news? You don’t have to keep reenacting the same pattern every year.
Let’s talk about how to get through the season on your terms.
How to handle an emotionally immature parent during the holidays
Here are 6 therapist-approved strategies to protect your peace this season.
1. Lower the emotional stakes
The biggest trap? Hoping that this year will be different.
Maybe they will be appreciative instead of critical. Perhaps they'll notice how hard you're trying. Maybe they'll finally say what you have always wanted to hear.
But emotional immaturity doesn’t disappear just because it’s December.
The emotional whiplash can be softened by setting realistic expectations: Instead of hoping for connection, plan for neutrality. Instead of waiting for validation, focus on self-preservation.
2. Set up a “before and after” buffer
The emotional hangover is real.
Give yourself intentional space before and after time with your parent. This could look like:
A quiet morning to center yourself
A post-visit walk or phone call with someone who helps you feel like you
Journaling out your internal reactions so you don’t carry them into the rest of your week
You don't have to hurry from emotional reactivity into work, caretaking, or socializing. Your nervous system needs time and space to reset.
3. Practice neutral responses
Emotionally immature parents often use holidays as a stage. They make snide comments in front of others. They fish for praise or pity. They poke at boundaries they know you’ve tried to set.
But you don’t have to match their energy.
Sometimes, the most powerful tool is a simple, rehearsed response:
“Let’s talk about something else.”
“I’m not going to get into that today.”
“That’s not up for discussion right now.”
Think of these as emotional exit ramps: You don't need to prove your point. You don't need to convince them that you're right. You need to preserve your energy.
4. Have a boundary buddy
If you’re visiting family, it helps to identify one person who knows what you’re navigating—whether it’s a sibling, partner, or friend you can text in real-time.
You can even create a shared “safe word” or phrase that means:
“I need help getting out of this conversation.”
or
“Please back me up on this boundary.”
You don’t have to go it alone. Even a subtle check-in with someone who sees the dynamics clearly can anchor you when things get chaotic.
5. Remember: You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to
Emotionally immature parents often thrive on conflict, not because they like it, but because it’s familiar. It gives them a sense of control or importance.
But you’re not obligated to participate.
You can leave the room. Take a walk. Stay silent. End the call early.
None of that makes you rude. That makes you self-aware.
If it feels like conflict is inevitable, try planning your response ahead of time. Let “I’m going to step away for a bit” become part of your toolkit.
6. Give yourself permission to feel the grief
This might be the hardest one of all.
Because beneath the frustration, the guilt, the hypervigilance…there’s often grief.
Grief about the kind of parent you needed and didn’t get. Grief for the holiday memories that never were. Grief for the parts of you that still hope, still try, still get hurt.
You don’t have to hide that pain to get through the season. As a matter of fact, letting yourself feel it—gently, with support—is often what makes it hurt less over time.
Grief is not weakness; it’s acknowledgment.
A gentle reminder as you head into this season
You are no longer the child you once were.
You are allowed to protect your energy.
You are allowed to say no.
You don't have to spend the holidays according to anyone else's specifications.
If you’re looking for a deeper understanding of this dynamic or more support in creating sustainable boundaries, I’m here to help. Reach out to schedule a free consultation for therapy in New York or California.
You can also check out my free guided meditation on Insight Timer: ‘Coming Home to Yourself’. Designed specifically to help you come back to yourself and reconnect with the truth—that your emotions, needs, and boundaries are valid.
And if you haven’t already, read the foundational post:
What Is an Emotionally Immature Parent—and How Do You Handle One?
